Okay maybe I lied it's not easier that way.
But that is just how life is.
It's not easy it's not fair.
But hey that's life.
So I am just wondering what am I going to do I have a school dance coming up in six days and I have just recently cut...... On my arms which I don't normally do it's just been a very stressful and disappointing week and this is just the start of the first of a few very hard years... (if I am still around) Back to the dance problem I am just going to go but I will wear arm warmers.
I have found out that one of my friends cuts which is quite depressing because I was under the belief that she did so when I asked way back last year and she said no she didn't she lied. So right now I'm not sure which hurts more the fact that she lied to me or the fact that she cuts too. This friend is well was the only one who knew about my cutting but as last week was so........ well it just was a hard week I also cut on my hands. Which has meant that at karate several people noticed one of my other friends noticed and quote said "have you been cutting again ouhhhhhh" and until that ouhhhhhh bit she had me pretty worried because what if she knew?
So another two people asked I boy I knew he's a couple of years younger 12 I think? But he asked and didn't seem quite satisfied with my answer ( cat scratch, mosquito and fell out of tree). And I also got some funny looks from one of the instructors. But I learnt quite a important lesson to many cuts on back of my hands equals suspicion. Oh yeah what also happened at karate was that my friend (the one that knows) asked me what they were and I said I fell out of a tree and my friend said "bullshit I know what they look like see?" And up until that point I didn't know she cut but another of my friends was there when she said that (she apparently already knew about my other friends cutting).
And now I have two friends that know and I'm not quite sure how to feel about it as it makes me feel really guilty knowing that I'm burdening them with my problems when they already have their own. That all happened about three days ago and yesterday my friend (the one who cuts) was asking if she could see my cuts and asking me all these questions. And then when I said no she asked why it's just because not that you really know how much you broke my trust when you basically told my other friend that I cut.
And also I have only told one person I have never showed anyone but I know I probably will have to at some stage but I am quite happy with as few people knowing as possible so I can get on with my life and planning my death. So me showing you is not something that I'm comfortable doing. Me and the same friend were talking about suicide because I just wanted to check that she wasn't as well. She reckons if you did it would create more suicides. I don't agree no one cares about me that much to follow me she also reckons I won't but I will and I know it.
Will post soon.
Love Sarah
But that is just how life is.
It's not easy it's not fair.
But hey that's life.
So I am just wondering what am I going to do I have a school dance coming up in six days and I have just recently cut...... On my arms which I don't normally do it's just been a very stressful and disappointing week and this is just the start of the first of a few very hard years... (if I am still around) Back to the dance problem I am just going to go but I will wear arm warmers.
I have found out that one of my friends cuts which is quite depressing because I was under the belief that she did so when I asked way back last year and she said no she didn't she lied. So right now I'm not sure which hurts more the fact that she lied to me or the fact that she cuts too. This friend is well was the only one who knew about my cutting but as last week was so........ well it just was a hard week I also cut on my hands. Which has meant that at karate several people noticed one of my other friends noticed and quote said "have you been cutting again ouhhhhhh" and until that ouhhhhhh bit she had me pretty worried because what if she knew?
So another two people asked I boy I knew he's a couple of years younger 12 I think? But he asked and didn't seem quite satisfied with my answer ( cat scratch, mosquito and fell out of tree). And I also got some funny looks from one of the instructors. But I learnt quite a important lesson to many cuts on back of my hands equals suspicion. Oh yeah what also happened at karate was that my friend (the one that knows) asked me what they were and I said I fell out of a tree and my friend said "bullshit I know what they look like see?" And up until that point I didn't know she cut but another of my friends was there when she said that (she apparently already knew about my other friends cutting).
And now I have two friends that know and I'm not quite sure how to feel about it as it makes me feel really guilty knowing that I'm burdening them with my problems when they already have their own. That all happened about three days ago and yesterday my friend (the one who cuts) was asking if she could see my cuts and asking me all these questions. And then when I said no she asked why it's just because not that you really know how much you broke my trust when you basically told my other friend that I cut.
And also I have only told one person I have never showed anyone but I know I probably will have to at some stage but I am quite happy with as few people knowing as possible so I can get on with my life and planning my death. So me showing you is not something that I'm comfortable doing. Me and the same friend were talking about suicide because I just wanted to check that she wasn't as well. She reckons if you did it would create more suicides. I don't agree no one cares about me that much to follow me she also reckons I won't but I will and I know it.
Will post soon.
Love Sarah
